(set: _l1 to "count on you", _l2 to "clear", _l3 to "no angel")
(unpack: (shuffled: "3","2","1") into (a: _v1,_v2,_v3))
Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck is wrong with you??? How DARE you!!! How dare you captivate me only to evaporate. I would have never loved at all had I known it would be lost. Were you on drugs? Were you out of your mind? Why were you up so high? Why would you put yourself in danger? Did you realize you were about to die? I thought I could (link-goto:_l1, _v1), but it's so (link-goto:_l2, _v2) now: you really are (link-goto:_l3, _v3).
(set: _l1 to "out of my head", _l2 to "It's not just me")
(unpack: (shuffled: "3","2") into (a: _v1,_v2))
I feel (link-goto: _l1, _v1). I don't want to believe it. I'm sorry for yelling, I'm just so sad. I want to scream at you how a parent screams at their child, pulling them closer. I want to blame you for making me worried. A perfectly normal thing to say to a child, no? Doesn't matter now. I have nothing more to say to you. (link-goto:_l2, _v2), either. Nobody does. Nobody can.
(set: _l1 to "Roll with me", _l2 to "secret", _l3 to "hot pink", _l4 to "Same old, same old,", _l5 to "Yeah, right", _l6 to "lipgloss")
(unpack: (shuffled: "START","2","1", "4","5","6") into (a: _v1,_v2,_v3,_v4,_v5,_v6))
My drink is spilled. I don't know where the bathroom is, so I have to ask you. "(link-goto:_l1,_v1)," you say, and soon I am standing in a room with marble walls. I stare at you in the mirror. You look back. "Can you keep a (link-goto:_l2,_v2)?" I say yes, but I know I am lying. You smile and walk forward to the sink. You open up a (link-goto:_l3,_v3) capsule and spill its contents on the surface. Some would get stuck in my nose. "(link-goto:_l4,_v4)" I might say to you. You would blush, and begin telling me about how you got this from a plug in Ibiza. "(link-goto:_l5,_v5)." I'd smile, and start re-applying my (link-goto:_l6,_v6).
(set: _l1 to "Hey cutie", _l2 to "fuck it up", _l3 to "crazy expensive", _l4 to "be who I want to be", _l5 to "I rule the world", )
(unpack: (shuffled: "3","6","1", "4","5") into (a: _v1,_v2,_v3,_v4,_v5))
I never got to say hello, much less goodbye. I don't know what I would have said. Maybe "(link-goto: "_l1","_v1")," if the mood was right. It would be an aggressive opening line. The joke is good, but other girls probably say that to you all the time. If there was a vibe, I wouldn't want to (link-goto: "_l2","_v2"). I wonder where we would be. Maybe some club where the drinks are (link-goto: "_l3","_v3"). It would be boring at first. We'd stare at our phones and twirl our straws around in the drinks. You'd probably be unaroused, but I'd be ecstatic. “Finally,” a voice in my head would say. ”I can (link-goto: "_l4","_v4").” Meeting you would make me somebody. The beginning of an empire. How things will be when (link-goto: "_l5","_v5"). The thought would exit my mouth, and I'd stutter from embarrassment. You'd laugh. You'd think it was cute how nervous I am. I am trying to play it cool, but I can not. I’m desperate. I want it all. Monopoly.
(set: _l1 to "Bitch, I’m Madonna", _l2 to "immigrant sons", _l3 to "trust")
(unpack: (shuffled: "8","6","7") into (a: _v1,_v2,_v3))
Eventually, we would leave the club. We’d be seeing double, but it would be hard to care. Somehow we are supposed to get home. Trying to stay upright, we clasp our hands firmly on each others’ shoulders. You look right at me, at least I think that’s what is happening. “(link-goto:_l1,_v1)” you say, slurring your words, and I am confused. “No bitch, I’m Madonna!” It’s like the spider men pointing at each other. To an outside observer, I’m sure we both look like the mother of Jesus Christ. You call a car, and two (link-goto:_l2,_v2) come to pick us up. I don’t know where we are going. I just have to (link-goto:_l3,_v3) you. The road winds and headlights flash past us. Eventually there is a light and some rumbling sound.
(set: _l1 to "back for you", _l2 to "shake some", _l3 to "after the afterparty")
(unpack: (shuffled: "8","6","7") into (a: _v1,_v2,_v3))
This party sucks, but I really wanna impress you, so I pretend to enjoy it. If I’m being honest, I can barely stand up, but the vibe between us is so good that I have to fake it till I make it back to your place. You know I’m wrapped around your finger. I’d always come (link-goto:_l1,_v1). Even if it meant faking small talk for two more hours with these Sega Bodega look-alikes and Tommy Cash wannabees. I try and dance ((link-goto:_l2,_v2) ass a bit) to pass the time, but I’m completely exhausted. I really wanna ask you what the plan is (link-goto:_l3,_v3). You seem totally wrapped up in whatever it is you are doing. As much as I love to party, I’d much rather be at your place, learning how to use the monomachine. I’d tell myself it’s okay to catch a couple feelings: I’m a fan, after all. You are like my idol. How could I not wanna fuck you?
(set: _l1 to "slime", _l2 to "swipe", _l3 to "queen of this shit", _l4 to "fantasy", _l5 to "Reverse…and stop", _l6 to "nights with you")
(unpack: (shuffled: "8","2","1", "4","5","7") into (a: _v1,_v2,_v3,_v4,_v5,_v6))
As I lower my head down to your thighs, I wonder what I might find there. Either way, I put it in my mouth. It tastes like moisturizer. I look up to make eye contact, but you are staring at the ceiling. Your hand is in my hair, gripping it tightly. I want your (link-goto:_l1,_v1) in my mouth. I pull out all my tricks and (link-goto:_l2,_v2) my tongue in all directions. You try to play it cool but you can’t help yourself. You really have no idea. I am the (link-goto:_l3,_v3). That’s the (link-goto:_l4,_v4), anyway. My work is cut out for me. I bet you have fucked around alot. You hold me on it and I gag a little. Fuck. We move to the bed, then back to the couch. Then to the island in the kitchen. You are always on top. You love it when I slowly back up on you. I can’t fit the whole thing inside. It kind of hurts, but I’ll be used to it in six months. You command me “(link-goto:_l5,_v5).” I can’t help it. I spill myself on the floor. Just one of those (link-goto:_l6,_v6). [[Love. Incredible.|9]]
(set: _l1 to "one, two, 3 days up", _l2 to "24 hours", _l3 to "girls night out", _l4 to "tuesday", _l5 to "bossed up", _l6 to "warlord shoes")
(unpack: (shuffled: "8","2","1", "4","5","6") into (a: _v1,_v2,_v3,_v4,_v5,_v6))
We would spend (link-goto:_l1,_v1), partying forever on Sunset Boulevard. I'd tell you how much I hate LA. You’d tell me to shut up and enjoy myself. (link-goto:_l2,_v2) at a time. I'd have as many credits as you by this point. It’s not even about the work, tho. It’s about the lifestyle. We just like to do this. A (link-goto:_l3,_v3) every (link-goto:_l4,_v4). This is my new normal. I love it. I’m (link-goto:_l5,_v5). Sexy. Still taste you in my mouth. But I’m scared. Sometimes I feel like I’m not being safe. You tell me we can slow down, but I wanna impress you. I tell you to speed up. The pedal depresses eagerly underneath your (link-goto:_l6,_v6). “Vroom Vroom, bitch!” Those slugs know they can’t catch us. [[Me and my boo. Best friend, too.|9]]
(set: _l1 to "trophy", _l2 to "koi", _l3 to "water", _l4 to "ripe", _l5 to "Paradise", _l6 to "only living for you")
(unpack: (shuffled: "3","2","7", "4","5","6") into (a: _v1,_v2,_v3,_v4,_v5,_v6))
We are at a jewelry store, looking at things we can’t afford. Well, we could afford them, but we’d have to bother Daddy again, and he just gave us our allowance. “Fuck it,” you say, “I want that (link-goto:_l1,_v1).” I smile. You are my trophy, after all. I buy it for her (who am I kidding, she buys it for me.) We drive back to our modest mansion in Hollywood. The (link-goto:_l2,_v2) swim around the pond. I see a tree in the (link-goto:_l3,_v3). I pluck an orange from its branch. It’s (link-goto:_l4,_v4). I think about us growing old together. (link-goto:_l5,_v5). I’ve finally made something of myself. The life I actually wanted to live. It happened. I was (link-goto:_l6,_v6), and now I have you, so yeah. That's it. I can finally settle down into the easy chair.(set: _l1 to "the real you", _l2 to "fallen angel", _l3 to "lost everything")
(unpack: (shuffled: "6","7","8") into (a: _v1,_v2,_v3))
That’s why I am so upset. None of this will ever happen. I’ll never know (link-goto:_l1,_v1). I don’t know why I thought you would still be there, waiting for me. It’s too late now. You are a literal (link-goto:_l2,_v2). It sometimes feels like I’ve (link-goto:_l3,_v3), but that’s not even true. All I’ve lost is a delusion and some new music. I don’t even know you. I shouldn’t even care. But here I am, hitting my keyboard at 3 am trying not to get upset. I don’t care if it’s cringe or disrespectful. I just want to feel something. Like high school love: Limerence. Unrealistic expectations. That’s what is so hard about (link:"this life")[(open-url: "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwkrrU2WYKg&lc=UgzZ9kinPTnRonbXopR4AaABAg")]: knowing what you ought to see coming. I think we both could have done a better job of that.