As I lay dying beside the love of my life, I'm still thinking about you. Lazarus. I don't know what I'm thinking about, tho. That phrase “Reason Why” plays over and over in my head. You complete me.
I don't know where in the Tree this entry will go. The goal is to make a catalog. Would you be proud of me? Would you think I was cool? Would you appreciate all this? You'd probably think it was cringe. To be fair, it kind of is. Especially if you were still here. I don't think I'd be trying this hard if you were alive.
Thinking about Yggdrasil. Ideas. Contemplative. Wondering where all of this will take me. I've tried to become more process driven and less conceptual. Maybe that was why I felt so let down by you at first. I really thought everything was layered in meaning, but I keep finding out that everyone is just a person. No one has a grand design (certainly not you.) But the vision was so real! Confusing.
I fuck to the remix nonstop, but only when it's transwomen. I think there was one cissy, too. God. I remember when I started this project, I wanted to have no identity. Only cause I thought I couldn't channel you. I didn't realize how much you were the identity I had been searching for.
So now that you're not here, it's like, what else can I do?